Mornings

I've been getting up early lately to spend a little time reading the scriptures and praying. It's been great. I've been reading mostly from the minor prophets. I've been struggling with some ideas about restoration.

Recently, I've been wondering whether all the prophesies about a new heaven and new earth, new wine, new grain, a restoration of creation to be ruled by compassion, love, grace, and justice have been fulfilled through Jesus already. I realize Jesus said that the Kingdom of God is available here and now, but does that mean that we are able to receive eternal life and we have to wait it out in this broken world until Jesus comes back to restore all things? Or has the restoration already begun and is a process God started with Jesus? Maybe the restoration of creation has begun, but won't be complete until Jesus comes back.

Here is a link to a passage that I read this morning which is amazing. Click here.

School...Here We Go Again

So I'm starting a new semester at THE San Jose State University. Here's a quick list of my classes (for those of you with ADD):

Comm 100W - Writing
Engl 117 - Film, Literature, and Culture
Envs 152 - Environmental Global Disaster
Soci 154 - Non-conforming Behavior
Soci 162 - Race and Ethnic Relations


I'm really excited about the Film/Lit class. That should be fun.

Research Project: Part 1

So here are a few cool things that I found right off the bat:

-The major religions that have dominated history began somewhere between 650 BC and AD 650. Why?

-Christianity began in a Western Society. Yes, it sprang out of the Jewish culture which is Middle-Eastern, but Christianity launched into the Graeco-Roman world. This had a major effect on how the structure of the Church developed with hierarchies of leadership, logic, and other Western ideals.

-There was very little success of Christianity in the non-Occidental world (non-Western). Why?

-In the 8th and 9th Centuries, the Church experienced a prolonged struggle with the use of images. Does this have a connection to the struggle of the use of images while the Israelites were wandering through the desert in the time of Moses? Maybe there is a pattern to how people and God are in a tug of war over understanding God in a tangible or intangible way?

The integrity of the Gospel

I have been thinking about how I should live life as a follower of Jesus. I was reading the Sermon on the Mount last night and I came to a point where I decided that there can be nothing in my life that compromises the integrity of the Gospel.

What I mean is that my entire life needs to be focused on Jesus Christ. Every decision I make, everything I purchase, every person I meet must uphold the teaching of Jesus Christ. I have to devote my whole life to Jesus. I've been trying to do this for a while now, but it gets me depressed sometimes. I mourn, I pray, I listen, I sing. I am seeking God, but there are so many influences that pull me apart. There are Christians telling me things that I know aren't how Jesus taught us to live. There are non-Christians who tell me ways to live that are not of God. I just want to find the good and latch onto it. I want Jesus.

Church History Research Project

So I have decided to untake and rigorous research project. This is not for school, it is just my own crazy idea. Here's why: I feel that there is something important to be learned from church/Christian history. If we can understand the ups and downs of the church, the advancements and recessions of Christianity, and the historical events in which these events took place, we may be able to find a pattern or relationship that could provide some insight into where the church is headed in the coming years.

I want to map out church history and world history together and look for patterns, connections, and repetition. I hope to be able to place these findings within the grand plan of God's redemption of this world to find out where we are now. Basically, I want to find out where to put my energy in changing the world for Jesus.

So, this blog is going to be some sort of a journal for my study in addition to my regular posts. I want to eventually piece together the blog posts I write about this topic into a paper or book or something. This should be fun. (but it might take 10 years)

Music

I've been having some major trouble with music lately. I don't know how to describe it. I play music every week for church, but I don't feel like I'm authentic. I feel like I'm so uncreative, I feel inadequate, I feel unworthy.

I can be so inspired by music. Music can be such an indescribable connection to the Holy. But I don't feel like the music I play is anything close to a reflection of who God is. I'm so far away from that.

Here's a link to some music that is truely awesome. It's a song called "The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades is Out to Get Us!" by Sufjan Stevens. Please listen to it. (Sorry, the audio quality is not the best)

I Hate Yearbooks

I flipped through my high school yearbook a couple of days ago. That was a mistake. I love looking at yearbooks so much I hate it.

Everytime I open a yearbook or look at a photo album, I relive the memories in my mind and I begin to feel depressed. Don't get me wrong, I had an amazing time in high school. That was a time of life I will never forget because I had so many great experiences with so many great friends. But those memories conjure up so many other feelings now.

When I think about that time of life, I know that I can never experience that again. I'll never be 17 again. I'll never be that athletic again. I'll never go to a school dance again. I'll never be able to get away with ______ again. High school was a time of life when I experienced my most challenging, yet defining moments. I miss it to be honest.

Sabbath

This is an expansion to my previous post entitled "A little writing..." in which I described me feelings toward vacations.

I was convicted a few months ago that I have an addiction to production. I feel worthless when I'm not producing something. I just felt like I was wasting time if I wasn't doing something useful.

What I came to realize is that I cannot live like that. God loves me regardless of what I produce and I should not qualify my existence by the things I can do. I needed to be redeemed from the bondage of my issues with self-worth. I felt like I was defined by the things I produced rather than being a child of God.

Therefore, I decided to take a day off every Saturday. I vowed not to produce anything. No homework, no work, no house cleaning. I just relax. It is amazing.

That's how I cope with life and get a vacation with God every week.

Please Listen to This...

My mentor, Daniel Garcia, spoke at Hillside Church on July 8 and you should watch his lesson. It is amazing. I was moved incredibly. To watch the video online, click here.

A little writing...

Finding Myself Again

Have you ever gone on a trip somewhere and forgot what home was like? I mean a real vacation where you get to truly relax and actually breathe. I love those trips.

Imagine walking down a lowly highway after your car broke down. It’s 97 degrees outside and the only shade is your hand tiredly held above your head. The long walk to the nearest service station seems to take days, and you feel like you swallowed the sun. At this point, your car seems so trivial because all you can think about is how thirsty you are and how unfair life is. When you enter the service station, the first thing you grab is a chilled bottle of water. The sound of the pressure releasing and the seal being cracked are like choirs of angels singing praises in the heavens. The first gulp hits you like a tidal wave of ice cold bliss. It feels like icicles are forming down your throat. What a magical feeling; all because of something so simple. This is my vacation.

I felt like this on my vacation. I love trips that feel like a cool breeze on a hot summer night. I want to forget everything that I forgot to do. I want to be someone new.

But when I come back, I’ve forgotten who I am. Life hits me like a charging bull with its horns of bills and its hooves of work. I am pierced by the credit card company and trampled by my boss. Trying to get up I’m hit by dirty clothes and kicked by dirty dishes. Tattered and bruised I crawl into bed to recover from the woes of life. I remember now. As I stare at the ceiling and glance at the clock I remember who I am. I remember how life is on planet earth. I’ve found myself again. I’ve been thrown back into the ocean and I’m treading water again. “Just stay afloat,” I tell myself. I hope that tomorrow I’ll wake up on dry land where I can breathe and look out over the great sea and not feel the need to cross it. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be on vacation again.

Honeymoon Pictures...

We are back! I would like to post a few pictures of our trip to Cabo San Lucas. It was so much fun and it was a truely relaxing vacation.

Cabo

Its almost Saturday! I'm not as stressed out as I thought I would be. I have almost everything done, so I'm trying to spend a little time with out of town family and friends. Sarah and I are going to Cabo San Lucas for a week, so this will probably be the last post I write until we get back.

I've had so many thoughts and ideas in the last few weeks, but I've been too busy to post them. I'll catch up later.

Worship Conference

So I'm at a conference at Saddleback Church for music/worship leaders. My friend Ben Bajarin is a seminar speaker and he asked me to be on his "tech team". Basically, I just run the powerpoint for his presentation. He wanted me to come so I could experience the conference and meet a bunch of people.

While we were here, we got to hang out with a rock star. This guys named David Pack, who is a famous singer/songwriter from the 60's and 70's (his band was called "Ambrosia"), let us play his vintage one-of-a-kind guitars. I played a Taylor guitar that was made for President Bill Clinton. There are only two in existence. He is such a nice guy and I enjoyed getting to know him. You should look up his music on iTunes. Search for "Ambrosia".

Coming Events

So I'm getting married in 2 weeks and I'm a starting to feel a little stressed. I think its just work that is stressing me out. I only have a few things left to do for the wedding on July 7, but I was just bombarded with (I just paused while writing this to answer the phone concerning more work to do) a lot of work and I'd rather spend my time getting things finalized for the big day. Oh well, everything will work out.

Coming together

Things are coming together. I had a meeting with a church planter named Dave Gschwend today and its amazing to see how things connect.

I've been pondering some ideas about community, church structure, and unrealized potential in the Christian community. Dave used to be a pastor here in San Jose and in Santa Cruz, but now he is planting house churches in San Jose, Santa Cruz, and Monterey. The ideas he shared about authentic community, organic relationships, and real life transformation are the same ideas I have been struggling with for weeks now. It was amazing to see the ways God is moving in Dave's church planting endeavors.

Last week, I attended a luncheon for CityTeam International's church planting ministries. There were church planters from every continent (except Antartica) and their stories were amazing. For example, a group of 200 people who were given simple training planted 40,000 churches in a matter of years. It comes down to obedience and multiplicaton. These people plant house churches.

I was talking to Dave about this CityTeam thing when he asked me, "Was there a guy named Ned Yost there?" I told him there was, and he told me that this guy was staying at his house! Ned Yost (I think this is the right name) is a church planter from Indonesia.

All that said, I've noticed a movement going on. God is moving powerfully in small communities and house churches. Its so exciting.

Heart Ache

My heart aches right now.

I feel like there is a huge tension created by untapped potential. I could do more, my church could do more, the world could do more. I am convinced that our generation is capable of solving global issues and creating so much positive change. We are in a position that previous generations could only dream of in terms of transportation, communication, and resources to solves global problems.

The reason why my heart aches is that I want this potential to be realized. All these thoughts motivate me to be ambitious and influence people to being acting on these ideas. I believe the Holy Spirit is poised and ready to empower us to do great things in the name of Jesus Christ! Let's get to it.

Work...

I don't know if I said it before, but I work for a landscaping company. I do estimates for properties that we are trying to bid for their business. I'm just about to leave for work, but there was something interesting about the property I'm about to measure.

I have some information about this property called The Barrington Bridge Community. Here is their slogan: Exceptional Privacy and Distinction.

I think that is great, a community where people don't have to think about interacting with the less fortunate members of society. Fantastic, a community that has set up a gate to keep the beggars out (Luke 16:19-31).

mewithoutYou

I realized why I like mewithoutYou so much. Aaron Weiss is not fake.

I was listening to a different band in my car today and I felt like this person was putting on a show. I didn't feel that they really meant it. I love the way mewithoutYou displays struggle, pain, heartache, and despair. These are real feelings and their music perfectly paints a picture of the struggle.

This makes me wonder about the music we sing at our churches every week. Is it real? Is it authentic? Do I actually feel the words that are being sung? I've stood there so many times and just sung because that's what I'm supposed to do. I think I mean the words I sing.

I know there are other musicians who are being real. MewithoutYou just slaps me around and allows me to be real.

(By the way, I posted this picture again because I like it a lot. It makes me feel like I'm at a concert.)

Way to go Brian!

Yesterday I went to Barnes and Noble to purchase a couple books. One of these books was The Secret Message of Jesus by Brian McLaren. As I went to check out, this girl at the cash register looked at the book and asked me what it was about.

It turns out she has a friend who was a Christian and became an atheist. This cashier has thus decided to read some books about Christianity to understand what her friend went through. She told me that she has read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis and a couple other books.

So, when she looked at the title of Brian McLaren's book and saw the cool cover design, she was interested in knowing what the secret was. She asked me what the book was about and I said very cleverly, "I dunno, I haven't read it yet." But I continued to explain that it was a book about the gospel of Jesus that sheds light on the way American pop-Christianity has missed the point. She wrote down the title and told me she was going to read it.

Way to go Brian McLaren! That clever title and the cool cover design worked! I can't wait to learn to secret too.

mewithoutYou at Slim's

I went to see mewithoutYou at Slim's in San Francisco last night. It was an amazing show. There were other bands there including The Snake The Cross The Crown and Manchester Orchestra. But the highlight was mewithoutYou.

This is the first time I had seen mewithoutYou live, and I guess I was struck by the raw emotion they put into their music. I could sense the tension, passion, and anguish as Aaron Weiss grabbed my soul and shook it around. I love the depth of the lyrics and the way they portray their struggles through music. It is so inspiring.

But today, I feel weird. I have this sense of "back to the daily routine" in me. I don't want the daily routine. I want specialness all the time. Also, there were a few guys at the show that I haven't really talked to in a while, but I was very unsocial. I've just had so many ideas, inspirations, and struggles and I want to talk to people who are experiencing the same thing. My questions/issues/hopes for the church, issues with my own lifestyle, and longing for something deeper have driven me to seek people who want to truely follow Jesus. People who notice the problems with this world and want to do something about it.

I love mewithoutYou.